* knock knock knock *Nope, just nope, I'm not letting anyone in today. I feel terrible today, I feel drained and like I cant do anything, I've got to run a session in two hours and I'm shaking, my hands are sweaty, knees are weak and my arms feel like their made of lead. I'm nervous and don't know what I'm going to do …well ok come in and maybe we can talk through this together.
I feel like this something that at one time or another, whether it is at your first session or maybe when your half a year for further into running your game, that most DM's and GM's have this crisis of confidence.
I can't speak for everyone one but for me, it often happens when I think I'm using content that I think is too cliché and that my players will think of me as unoriginal or as a hack for my story telling. The classic beginning of "you meet in a tavern" is a classic trope amongst RPG's as is the idea of the adventures fighting a red dragon that taken over a Dwarven stronghold, and so many DM's and GM's I know won't use them because they are cliché or expected.
I know people that are afraid to give DMing a try because the idea of being the focus of attention is really hard for them to overcome, even though the stories in their head far outmatch mine in their intricate storytelling and if it was just them in a room writing these idea's down they would be fine but the idea of other people scares them beyond belief.
Again for me, I found at the start that the idea of wasting people time with something they wouldn't enjoy to be incredibly doubting. What if my players don't have fun? What if I'm bad at this? what if they regret ever trying this game I love? What if wasted both mine and their time on this?
And I'm here to say something I wish someone had told me when I first started. You're going to do great, and I know because you want to do it.
Nothing is instant in this world, everything good takes time, Matt Mercer, Chris Perkins, Matt Colville, Jerry Holkins, Mark Hulmes any of the world renowned DM's and GM's of this world will tell you the same. Chris Perkins has often said that he wishes twitch was around when he was younger so people could see the quote: "how much of a shitty DM I was back then".
Being the story teller you want to be will take and work on your half. Feel like your not great at descriptions? Read some fantasy or sci-fi novels and see how the writer uses descriptive language to get their point across to the reader. Combat not challenging enough for your players? Consider the terrain and environmental effects that could make the encounter better, maybe homebrew or adjust the creatures your party is fighting to make it more challenging.
There is a great quote from the author Frank Herbert who wrote the classic sci-fi novel Dune that perfectly encapsulates how you should approach fear.
"I must not fear. Fear is the Mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings Total Obliteration. I will Face my Fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I Will Remain"
As soon as you shrug off the fear of your non-essistant inaddiquences, as hard as that is to consider, you will find yourself being able to create as you wish to and without the over bearing feeling of self-doubt.
I hope this helped and I know this one was a bit of a heavy subject to consider, but its something I want to write about to hopefully help people who might be suffering from these feeling and for them to know they are not alone and that we have all suffered from it.
Bye for know peeps!
Jack
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